Oh my days.

I dont quite know what to think nor do.

Im pretty fucking pissed off at the fact that my girlfriend kissed another girl.

I could forgive her for doing that... because it was one time, just a kiss, and she was drunk (even tho i know thats not an excuse), But what i cannot swallow it down, its the fact of who it was...

Did it have to be her? The one person im jealous of, your ex, the person you "used" to love. Seriously...?

Should know that, that makes me think you love her and not me. And to be honest, i just wanted to go and cheat on her too, just to pay right back with the same coin. Even had everything planned to chill with a  girl last night to cheat on her. But, i stopped and realized that i'm not going to do that. Because i fell in love with her and i just, i don't know, doesn't seem right anymore. 

Anyways, i guess we are okay now. I decided to put it all back and forget it never happened. But I don't forgive her... just for the fact of who it was with. I can't forgive her, i already have a problem where i dont forgive people, i dont know how to forgive. But i guess love her too much to not want to put this behind me. But forgive or forget i wont. I can't. Doesnt mean im going to love her any different tho. Because i wont. I just will pretend it never happened. 

One problem tho... I can't trust her around the girl anymore. I mean, i was afraid already before and jealous, but i always accepted the fact of them being friends. But now... i dont, i dont even want to know whenever shes near the girl, or nothing, because i dont trust them together anymore. Sober or drunk. 

Anyways, i have so many problems to deal with other than that. Now ive figured outt hat i might have a sort of heart problem, and respiratory problem. Just to help, because i've already got anxiety, social anxiety, anger issues, depression, GID, and a couple more. So im fucked. :|